


Renegade Apostate

by kaorimaiko



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anders Needs a Hug, Anders Positive, Elf/Human Relationship(s), Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Oral Sex, Sex, Sexual Content, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 05:25:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6891961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaorimaiko/pseuds/kaorimaiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An AU which is more of a play on what I would have liked to happen in Inquisition rather than what did...</p>
<p>When a young inquisitor is unexpectedly acquainted with a renegade apostate she has to choose between what she thinks is right and what her dreams are telling her... but lingering feelings from previous relationships complicate things all the while she's trying to fight Corypheus, things are definitely complicated. </p>
<p>My first fanfic! Notes explain more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Renegade Apostate

**Author's Note:**

> Alright so this is my first fanfic, I'm not sure if I'm expanding on it I guess it will depend on the response. It was originally meant to be a one-shot and now I'm not sure. Please let me know any suggestions/opinions they are appreciated!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisitor meets Anders... lets see what happens shall we..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just finished editing this, I do plan on continuing it and fleshing it out more.

She looked down at her hands, still soft even tainted by many battles. Her thoughts began to shift as she drifted slowly into a trance like sleep. Her vision blurred and into the fade she went. The first thing she noticed was how bright it was and how she felt a dragging depression set over her. The sky darkened and into her view was a man shaking in grief and pain. His blonde hair touching his shoulders, dirty feathered pauldrons adorning him. His eyes were welling with tears as they turned from a soft brown to a bright blue. Veins of light began to envelop his face as he reached out his hands towards the sky, not paying her any mind. The darkness began to shift as explosions raged in the distance, red began to cloud her vision. Pain envelops her being as she shakes awake violently from her slumber. Who was the man with the burning heart in her dreams? She shook her head and tried to pass back into sleep, hopefully free from the suffering darkness.

  
"Inquisitor." Cassandra stood over her as her eyes attempted to focus. "You have a very important visitor whom I think you should address." Her vision cleared, focusing on Cassandra's stern grimace. They had not yet become close, and with Rowynn's attempts to become closer to her as she was people pleaser at heart, Cassandra had merely pushed her away. She stopped drowning in her thoughts as she reluctantly draped her feet over the side of the bed. She sauntered down the stairs after throwing on a robe over her small clothes in lieu of the usual brown and extremely modest ensemble she usually dawns. Descending the stairs at a faster pace, pushing the at the heavy wooden door the inquisition throne came into view. Standing in the main hall, looking quite distressed was Varric. His shoulders slumped and his eyes shifting, his normal calm demeanor gone. "Rowynn we have a problem." 

  
He spoke with fervor and haste. Her pulse quickened as his words rained over her, anxiety setting in. What could be wrong? Was it Cullen? Her mind immediately raced to him, though it was probably something she shouldn’t have been so concerned with when all of Thedes was suffering from Corypheus. They had grown close in the past year, fleeting glances and soft words as she tried to break his shell with no real progress. She'd even gone as far as to try and feign tripping over herself to be closer to him, but was met with soft resistance every time, he kept himself well guarded and knew her clumsiness was only a ploy. Her giving and docile nature made it hard to be the inquisitor sometimes. She wanted so much to care for everyone while still being a strong leader.

  
"What's going on Varric?" She asked, pushing her shoulder length dark hair from her eyes. Tucking it behind her 'knife ear', a nasty insult that the humans called it, she stepped forward facing him. "So inquisitor.." He was using her title now, not something she was used to with him. "You remember when I brought Hawke to you and we had that little debacle...in which you so kindly forgave me and we remained friends?" He began shifting side to side as he spoke. "Alright Varric, cough it up." Placing her hands on her hips she gave him a curious yet stern stare. Noticing her dark green eyes and brow furrowing he walked closer. "So, as you've heard many times, when the second Blight came about there was a runaway apostate who decided it was a great idea to blow up the chantry. Well, Hawke spared him, of course being the kind samaritan she is and well...now he's back." Her jaw dropped. She didn't really know how to process this information. Being as she was seen as the Herald of Andraste, and this homicidal mage was knocking on her door looking for maker knows what... was pretty baffling. "Varric, please tell me this is one of your jokes. Please. I need to hear that you're planning on writing a new novel and you're using my horror as good writing material." She demanded in a tone that was much louder than usual. "Well while this probably will eventually make it into my new book... this is not a drill. You are welcome to talk to Hawke as soon as possible and decide what to do with Blondie." Pacing back and forth, her bare feet tapping on the floor, there was no way this was happening. Was she supposed to judge him? He was a criminal after all. Hawke had spared him. But could she do the same?

  
Hours later she was still sitting on the throne, legs draped over the side contemplating half in a daze and half frightened at what she might have to do. But she considered to herself, why was she so concerned? She could judge him like anyone else, send him either back to the wardens or let what remained of the chantry deal with him. She trusted Hawke, she trusted Varric. She wanted to see what motivated this man. She was curious. Finally after letting the guards know she was ready for him, he swayed through the large doorway towards the throne, Hawke behind him and her eyes looking sullen. His hair was matted and dirty, his clothes ratty and distressed. Feathers falling from his pauldrons as he walked. He looked as if he hadn't seen daylight in weeks. Hawke had barely spoken of him, she concurred that there had been something between them that had broken long ago. She must have still cared for him to help him like she did after so many had perished. Hawke passed him, refusing to look at him leaving him staring at the ground in front of the inquisitor. Looking rather majestic on the throne before Hawke, she was addressed immediately in a soft tone by the champion. The soft-spoken mage with her fiery red hair and dark eyes was quite beautiful for a human. Rowynn respected her and her judgment even if she didn't fully agree.

  
"So this is what it's come to, I'm sorry to put this burden before you inquisitor it was not my intention. He came here to find solace, hearing that I was assisting you and that you had sided with the mages." She straightened her stance and spoke more clearly. "I ask that you pardon him to me and allow me to deal with him and the actions he has committed. I as well do not agree with what happened and I feel such sorrow that it makes me physically sick what he did, but he could be an asset to us as he was one of my main support systems in Kirkwall." Rowynn thought for a minute. "Varric." The dwarf looked up quickly, Bianca shifting on his shoulder. "Yes, Inquisitor?" A hush filled the room, she glanced over at the mage, his head hung low. She felt as if she recognized him from somewhere, but she couldn't place it. "Thoughts? What should we do with Anders the renegade mage?" Somewhere in the room, she heard a small giggle, recognizing it as the condescending red ginny elf who she merely tolerated. "I will tell you this inquisitor, in the end, it's your call but I've always believed that deep down Blondie isn't a terrible guy. He might have done something that some see as unforgivable but I believe truly it was some of the spirits influence that weighed too heavily on him and that he should atone for his wrongs. He could be an asset to us as Hawke said." Staring at the dusty mage as Varric pleaded for him, she noticed him silently weeping.

  
Her heart skipped slightly, a feeling she had never experienced for anyone facing judgment. She saw his friends sticking up for him, even when he caused so much pain. She wished suddenly that they would do the same for her. She wondered sometimes if she mattered much to them or was she just the vessel and the figurehead. "I've heard enough, Anders please step forward and speak to me for yourself." The mage inched forward, hesitating as he wept. He looked up at Rowynn with such pain in his eyes, she felt sorry for him. It disgusted her, she had hated what he'd done from the minute she heard it but in his eyes she felt something. "I cannot atone for what I've done, I will never be able to. All I can say is that I felt justified in my actions. I understand many innocents died that day, I caused chaos and disruption. Look at what I've done. The mages stand with you. We are one step closer to real freedom. I do have a spirit who resides within me, Justice. At the end when pushed to the edge a darkness consumed me. I became vengeance." His voice was stronger now, his eyes determined. "I cannot ask for forgiveness but I can tell you that I can assist you in this fight. Keep me locked up until I can fight Corypheus If you must, but know that I can help you." His eyes strained as he moved closer to Hawke, it seemed he needed comfort, that she refused to provide. Her arms crossed in disdain. "Alright Anders, I will allow you to be placed under Hawkes regime. I will check on you regularly as well as our commander Cullen whom you should be familiar with. We will be watching you." Rowynn straightened on the throne, "You are dismissed."

  
Weeks trudged on as the battle waged closer to Corypheus. She saw Anders often in passing, sometimes he would be sitting alone in the courtyard writing in his journal, sometimes he would be healing the wounded assisted by a distant Hawke. One day when talking with Iron Bull she spotted him alone in the small tavern wistfully drinking as much ale as possible. "Drowning your sorrows in grog?" She asked as she sauntered over to where he was sitting, placing her hands on the back of the chair next to him. "It keeps Justice from berating me sometimes. It's not the best idea, but what is anymore?" He spoke so sadly, staring down at his piss brown ale. "Could you use a drinking partner?" She felt her voice shake and her heart began to race. Instead of waiting for him to answer, she nervously sat down at the wobbly ill-constructed table, plopping her own quart of ale down. Anders glanced up at her, his brown eyes glazed over from lack of sleep. "I guess I could use some company, after all I'm not the most popular person in the inquisition." He smiled a joking half smile, she noticed then a warmth in him she had not yet seen. "So you and Hawke haven't been catching up too much?" She asked, shifting her feet under the table nervously. Why she felt so nervous all of a sudden she couldn't comprehend. Something was so familiar about him. He shook his head, taking a long gulp of his ale. "Well, if you consider the murderous looks she gives me mixed with the fact that she barely speaks to me then yes, catching up quite well." He starred forward then, clasping his hands and running his thumbs over each other thoughtfully. "Hmm, I'm sorry that's probably a poor subject." She leaned back, eyeing Iron Bull from across the room as she attempted to not make eye contact with Anders after her embarrassing question. "Don't apologize, I'm sure she thinks I deserve it. That's always been her way, she ices out anyone who gets close to her and I just gave her the best reason to in the world... I made it so easy." He stated, leaning his arm over one side of the chair, still gazing off into the distance. "I didn't mean to bring up painful things. I've been curious about you since you've been here." She thought carefully about her words, biting her lip ever so slightly attempting not to say anything offensive or awkward this time. "Curious about me? Well, I can't say it's a first but I'm intrigued as to why...though I'm sure I already know, are you wondering if I'm going to blow up Skyhold you're quite lucky, I've already proven my point." Sarcastically put she thought to herself, but what kind of explanation could he possibly owe her that he hadn't given before? She thought then carefully back to her dreams... How could she possibly explain those without sounding insane?" She looked into his eyes then, searching for answers he didn't have.

  
"I want to know you." Hearing her mumbled answer, he straightened in the chair, a studious look on his face. With a half smile, he replied "Why would you want to know me? No one does anymore, I'm merely the renegade apostate remember? I'm not even much of a healer anymore." Leaning closer to him and catching a scent of burning wood coming off of him, a sweet musk followed. Surprised at her sudden close distance he drew back, alarmed. "Tell me what compels you to be who you are, tell me what it feels like to have a spirit merged with you." Rowynn had always had a sincere fascination with darkness and the fade. The inner darkness of the soul and what creates inner chaos. She had to stand up for what was good in the Inquisition and while she would never support the destruction and death of innocents it made her think none the less at what goes on in the heads of murderers and abominations. He leaned back, stroking the stubble on his well-defined chin. He was handsome and rugged, something she would normally be very attracted to if not for the circumstances surrounding him. He rarely tied his hair back anymore, it had grown past shoulder length since he had been with the inquisition. He had neglected himself often only recently started brushing his blonde locks, because Hawke had urged him to she assumed. She still watched out for him in his fragile state, even though you could feel the pain radiating from her when she was near him.

  
"Well, if you can't tell, before coming here I was living in a cave trying to not be captured. I lived in fear from what I've done. I'm not proud. I'm only on this plane of existence to support what I think is right. Justice came to teach me that, we support each other in the darkest times. You can call me an abomination, a disaster. But I stand up for my beliefs. There's not much I can tell you, I can't open up to you like you want me to." He explained. "I'm honestly surprised Solas hasn't gotten to you yet, his interest in spirits in the fade seems right up your ally." She leaned in even closer, her breath hitting his cheek. His brown eyes winced slightly at the closing distance between them. She was looking into his eyes, a familiarity struck her then. This was the man from her dreams, the pain she felt was his pain. She saw the chantry burn. "What are you doing being this close to me, it's making me uncomfortable." He slid his chair back, clutching his ale in a dirty gloved hand. "I'm so sorry." She apologized, a slight blush overtaking her cheeks. "I have to explain to you why I'm acting this way, but i'm assuming you'll think i'm insane." She shifted her weight in the chair, crossing her legs trying to get comfortable as the room appeared to be closing in on her. She then explained to him her dreams, they had been recurring for weeks. He sat back stunned, unable to speak. He then rapidly rose and left leaving her in a state of confusion and dismay.

  
She didn't see him for days, even Varric didn't know where he had gone off to. Frightened that he'd left, she went to his quarters. She opened the door slowly, finding it to be unlocked. Peering inside nervously, she saw a faint blue light coming from the corner of the room. The room was dark and desolate, clothing strewn about along with papers and healing supplies. She approached him cautiously, seeing that Justice was in control from what she could gather, as she didn't know much about his merging. When he saw her his eyes flickered back to normal, he then stood and shook his hair out of his face, a stray strand sticking to his bottom lip. He appeared somber and frail. "Anders, are you alright? I haven't seen you for days. I'm sorry for what I said, it was too forward. We don't know each other well enough for me to be spilling my dreams to you." Wringing her hands as she spoke she watched as he sank silently onto the bed, resting his hands over his eyes In frustration. "I've dreamt of you too."

  
Slowly she approached him, sitting softly on the distressed bed, which sank in slowly from the wear. She warily placed a hand on his shoulder, touching the dirty cotton shirt he was wearing. It was coarse and covered in sweat. However, he still had a sweet smell that lingered on him, firewood and nag champa. He flinched at her touch, turning his head slowly and cupping her face in his hands. "you don't understand how long it's been since I've had human contact." He brushed his thumb across her cheek, creating shivers down her spine. "Technically, I'm not human." She uttered. He smirked at her, lightly brushing his hand against her pointed ear. Something inside her jumped, she thought suddenly about Cullen, his soft eyes and sweet smile. She also thought of how he always brushed her aside, she wondered if it was because she was an elf. Shaking her thoughts she felt her heart pump harder. His lips quivered slightly as he inched closer. She slowly and carefully lifted her hand to touch his hair, wringing her hands through it slowly. With each caress he closed his eyes, he looked so serene in those moments. Quickly she darted towards him, feeling bold all of a sudden with adrenaline pumping and landed a quick kiss on his lips. Turning away embarrassed, she waited for a reaction. He sat silent for a moment then draped his arm across her shoulder pushing her down onto the very rigid mattress. She allowed him, a warm feeling enveloping her that she hadn't felt before. Thoughts suddenly flowed into her mind of what she saw in her dreams, his pain drawing her towards him. She crashed then her lips against his, feeling only wanting and need. In this moment, she didn't care of he cared for her or if she was just a warm body, she wanted him and it had been silently plaguing her for days.

  
He returned her kiss with fever, slight growls escaping as he pushed his hands under her shirt, pushing it quickly over her head. "I need this." He mumbled, trailing kisses down her neck towards her breast still covered by her breast band. All she could manage in response was a slight moan as she undid his pants, pulling at the strings, shaking as he trailed kisses along her neck, pricking her with tiny nibbles here and there. Freeing him from his trousers, she felt then his cock spring forth hitting her leg, a warm hardness she had only experienced once before with a lover she chose not to recall. He slowed then, trailing his kisses down to her breast band, sucking her breasts through the leather. Pulling with his teeth he removed it then, catching her nub between his lips, his tongue circling and teasing. "Anders..." Pulling his hair slightly, she whipped her legs around him after he inched her pants and small clothes down to her thighs and then off. She felt his hardness against her, pushing her over the edge, as she rubbed it back and forth with the sway of her hips against her wetness. Flipping on his back suddenly, he smiled his alluring half smile, pulling the voluptuous elf on top of him. He touched her large ass and hips as she pushed down her opening across his shaft. "I can't take it, your torturing me..." He gasped, rocking her back and forth, lifting his cock with his hands attempting to enter her. His blonde hair flew into his eyes, she noticed now his chiseled yet lanky frame, sweat slowly dripped down his chest making her even wetter to see him like this. Pushing away from him with slight protest from his hands on her ass, she proceeded to lick slowly down his soft chest past his navel. taking his hardness In her hands and stroking slightly, louder growling escaped his lips as he bucked into her hand. She then looked seductively into his eyes while slowly licking his cock from base to tip. His hand found her hair pushing her hair from her face, as she wrapped her mouth fully around his girth. A sweet soft moan escaped her lips as she slowly moved the warm wetness of her tongue along his shaft.

  
"Sweetheart if you keep doing that I'll be spent..." He spoke breathlessly, moving his hands through her thick auburn hair, pushing her head ever so slightly down to increase his pleasure. Releasing her mouth slowly from his cock, she then took his hands in hers and guided him to her breasts. Fondling her softly his eyes shown dull, full of lust and hunger. Taking control, Anders sat up slowly, pulling her body still draped around his waist into a gentle hug. His cock pressed against her opening again and this time she allowed him to slowly enter her as they embraced. The pressure of his girth made her insides quake, tightening around him he settled inside of her, slowly bucking his hips and rocking her back in forth in a synchronized motion. "Oh sweetheart, you don't know what you're doing to me..." His raspy whisper penetrated her as she gave a louder moan then, grabbing his shoulders and moving her hips more rapidly to keep up her oncoming orgasm. Taking her breasts in his mouth and allowing her to scratch down his back, he nibbled furiously on her nubs, licking and sucking as he pounded into her, his own growls of pleasure overtaking him. He gripped her ass then as she used her knees for elevation, pulling his cock deeper inside. Biting his lips and looking into his eyes, she felt her body tighten around him, her orgasm coming in hot waves. His followed, letting out an exasperated moan, his cock pouring into her, pulsating with heated pleasure.

  
They lay there for what seemed like hours, drifting in and out of sleep. Her head propped against his chest, legs intertwined. "So, am I still just a renegade apostate?" Deviously he suggested, rolling over and propping her more comfortably on his arm. The hunger of the night before had alarmed her but she hadn't forgotten who he was, though he joked now with her so casually after their tryst. She slowly closed her eyes and nuzzled against his warm chest, hearing his heartbeat then, reminding her that he is only human. "At this point I don't know what to think, but i'd like to call you mine." Placing his forehead to hers, he whispered softly. "Darling you can count on that." Moments later the door began to creak open, and a soft familiar voice rang from a few feet away. Her eyes had not yet adjusted to the light pouring through from the hallway, as she attempted to focus.

  
"Well well well...it seems the great inquisitor has finally passed her real judgment, now what should I make of that?" Hawke stood then fully illuminated from the light behind her, a devastated look gracing her usually softened features. Anders body grew cold, his eyes flickering blue for just a moment. Words escaped her as she contemplated the anger rising in the room. She might not be able to fight her way out of this one, when wounds run ever so deep.


End file.
